uMalume, it appears, is somewhat of an expert when it comes to semiotics. Particularly, the semiotics of apparel. A woman, according to the uMalume semiotic lexicon, signals that she "has needs" - of a sexual nature - by wearing a skirt.
Given that, in "Zulu culture" - the other area of professed expertise to which uMalume lays claim - most women wear skirts most of the time, uMalume would have us believe that these women are all walking around signalling their needs, and that "Zulu culture", and most others, is founded on the very signalling of these needs. Why else would every school dress its girl pupils in dresses, if not to signal their "needs"?
"But what about agency?" protested Gramsci. "Even, assuming this is the case, that skirts do equate with sexual signalling... What compels an individual man to respond to the signal in the way that uMalume did? If men can control the world, surely they can control the way they respond to semiotic signals?" The Cow chose to say nothing. She wasn't about to be drawn into an argument like that without sufficient whisky to make it interesting.
But Gramsci was just getting started. "How long before paedophiles start using in their court defence the argument that the 6 year old 'had needs' which she signalled by wearing her school uniform?" he continued. "Are we obliging women to adopt a model of androgyny to avoid the confusion of signalling gender with signalling sexual need?" Carnivorous Cow wasn't exactly sure where gender ended and sexual need began, so she excused herself to go and get some coffee instead.
On her way, the Cow pondered further on the matter. She wasn't sure if it was an ON / OFF signal, or one shaded by qualitative or quantitaive measures. Did a longer skirt signal a greater or lesser need? Did a brightly coloured skirt signal a more intense need, or was it a danger signal? She wished uMalume had given more details in his testimony. She needed to know if her own signals were appropriate to the intention or not - another variable beyond weather, wrinkledness and whim to factor in when dressing in the morning. Perhaps uMalume would open up a helpline?
Walking across University Avenue, she was struck by just how many young women were signalling their "needs". Everywhere she looked, she was confronted by an array of skirts. If others had been following the trial, presumably they were now reading the signals correctly, and feeling obliged to Do Their Bit, so to speak. The stairs in Beattie were going to be busy.... She just hoped someone had remembered to refill the condom dispensers.