As they were launching into a discussion about whether Mr Timberland would have gotten away with Gross Offence such as Prof Snipe objecting to too many women and their menstrual odours in his class, Carnivorous Cow spotted An Intruder From Bremner approaching. She rapidly gave the secret signal for Take Cover, An Intruder From Bremner Is Approaching, but as no one had yet had sufficient caffeine intake, reactions were slow. Too slow. They were trapped.
The Intruder From Bremner approached, and placed her bag on the table alongside. It was a feeble attempt at disguise - conference bags usually are. Hardcore conference delegates pass their bags on to their children for gym kits or internet downloads, school being the only place where conference bags carried any attraction. But in her case, it was a dead giveaway - bulging with a 1970s model tape recorder, it provoked plastic smiles and unease among the coffee-swiggers.
Polite and charming as always, they welcomed her to their table, and proceded to grill her about her mission on Their Campus. She told them she was conducting an interview with a Real Academic, as part of uncovering Different Kinds of Scholarship. A few raised eyebrows later, she rushed off to her appointment and the real discussion resumed. Those who'd managed to escape trickled back. Conversation returned to matters of real academic import, such as whether or not it was wise for Department X to sign over a significant amount of FTEs to Department Y at the same time as taking on a costly, but flakey, appointment, or whether there were any real academics left in the Beattie Buildingsite.
Carnivorous Cow reentered her office feeling decidedly uneasy. Visits to Real Campus from intruders from Bremner were rare, and the intruders were invariably those who'd taken a wrong turn at the T-junction of their careers and decided that a move to Bremner beat another decade of marking, all told. But this was different. This was someone who hadn't previously sat around tables in coffee outlets with the coffee-swiggers as a colleague, a peer, discussing matters of real academic import and cricket scores. This intruder couldn't claim to have been driven up the hill to assuage suppressed feelings of nostalgia, or to reassure herself that she'd made the right move in buying out her conscience for a bigger office and no parking problems. She had, in fact, no reason to be there other than Coming to Find Out What it was that People on Real Campus actually did. Arcane knowledge which would be profoundly dangerous in the wrong hands.
And, Carnivorous Cow feared, those very hands were probably pressing the "play" button on that 1970s tape recorder as she was typing this blog....