Given the length of the coffee queues on Campus, Carnivorous Cow can only deduce that there's an awful lot of sex going on somewhere. And, given the space constraints, she's concerned that this information reaches the relevant DVC so that it can be factored in to the Campus Guide Plan for the next 5 - 10 years. Already the "silent study area" in the Library, widely reported to have been used for practical biology among students, has vanished. The compactus has been known to result in close encounters becoming closer than planned, and the stairs down to level one get occupied pretty quickly. Even the stairs down to the archaeology rock dump in Beattie have a queue. Is this perhaps what the SRC has in mind with the creation of a "Day Houses" portfolio?
Staff, if they're among the "active", are perhaps better provided for, in that most staff have offices, and many of these are private, with doors that shut. However, rumour has it that four-window offices will soon become two-window offices in an attempt to create more habitable space, which means that free carpet space will vanish and requests may start coming through for upholstered desks.
But Carnivorous Cow somehow doubts that staff are contributing to the statistics. Given the toning benefits of aerobic exercise of this nature, one would expect the most active to strut around with airbrushed bodies... and despite looking really really hard, she's seen altogether too few of these. Among students too, come to think of it. Could the article be wrong?? Surely not - it appeared on the Internet, so it must be true!
But it seems that the University faces a serious planning challenge - either more secluded nookie nooks have to be created, or the coffee outlets need to be closed down... or their produce mixed with copious quantities of Copper Sulphate...