"What?!?" gasped the Cow. Such a claim, surely, defied belief!
"It says here that Bloem is best. Followed, in order, by Maritzburg, Jozi, Pretoria - and then only Cape Town!"Gramsci read.
The Cow shook her head. "No way! Jozi ahead of Cape Town? Based exactly on what - amount of barbed wire per person? Armed response personnel per square metre?" She sneered. "Or how often they flex their credit card, and the price of the cars they drive?"
"Well," Gramsci conceded, "All of that was factored in. Salary would put Jozi ahead, and so would gym membership and number of swimming pools - after all, we have the mountain and the sea as alternatives."
"What kind of survey is that?" demanded the Cow. "Ranking a city based on swimming pools and gyms! I'm surprised they didn't factor in lycra sales, or male leg waxes, too! Who conducted it, anyway?"
Gramsci chuckled. "You're closer than you think! It was Men's Health!"
"Ah well!" The Cow rolled her eyes. "I'm surprised Cape Town ranked anywhere, in that case. Unless they drew their sample down in Sea Point, finding sufficient poseurs to outrank Kimberley or Tweebuffelsmeteenskootmorsdoodgeskietfontein must have taken some doing!"
"Well," laughed Gramsci, "there was one measure on which Cape Town came tops!"
"Oh?" asked the Cow.
"Yes!" Gramsci nodded. "Cape Town has the fattest men, with 15% obese!"
"Well," the Cow muttered, "at least it's something..."