- O how happy, how happy are we
To work at wonderful UCT
A world class African university
O we love UCT! - Helpdesk calls unanswered while months go by
Unable to work, we sit down and cry,
Productivity's down and they wonder why,
But we love UCT! - We've money to burn and consultants to hire,
But cutbacks to make and staff we must fire,
New posts to create, but conditions are dire,
But we love UCT! - Programs imposed, which the students don't want,
Academics dislike, and administrators can't
Administer, but it helps not to rant,
We still love UCT! - There's banging and drilling, heads constantly ache,
With our IRP5s there's the annual "mistake",
The Receiver's demanding - how much more can we take?
But we love UCT! - The cleaners outsourced, teaching posts under threat,
While the bureaucracy gets larger and fatter, and yet
It takes even longer before what you want, you can get ,
How we love UCT! - Arrive after 7am, there's no parking around,
But student cars in staff bays can be found
- In fact, on every available piece of ground,
They too love UCT! - The Monday Paper arrives every week ,
His Master's Voice we love to hear speak,
A dissenting voice? Or even a squeak?
No, we all love UCT! - Outdated Web pages, despite the award,
1998 fees, and the DIT must have got bored
With updating his page, but so what if it's flawed,
We all love UCT! - Managing funds with the "precision" of SAP
Discrepancies, delays, and all measure of crap
Not to mention the speed - might as well take a nap,
But we love UCT! - DAs are all gone, so secretaries must run,
HODs photocopy, research left undone,
Telephones left unanswered, but it's ever such fun,
How we love UCT! - At the end of the day, when we climb in our cars,
Drown our sorrows on the way home in bars,
Wondering if life isn't better on Mars,
We still love UCT! - O, how lucky, how blessed are we,
Working at this glorious UCT,
We keep telling ourselves, till we believe it, that we
So much love UCT! - The intrusion of ISA, cessation of work,
Password pop-up flashes, but that's just a quirk,
Total system meltdown - permission to shirk?
How we love UCT! - The Deputy Toad has a dubious past
A dubious future, but oh, what a blast!
A glorious present he must hope will last -
He must love UCT! - Our Groupwise client, how we all love thee
Wait and wait for your mail, and then - oh, gee!
Server's down, so we can't tell the DVC
How we love UCT!! - Our voicemail is broken: it bleats to declare
No message is waiting. But should one be there
The silence is deafening. O user, beware!
But we love UCT! - The buses that transport our students are staff
Get threatened by armed thugs - but that's only half:
Now thugs share the contract! To cry or to laugh,
When we love UCT? - It's graduation. From far and close by
Graduands come, excited, in jacket and tie,
Their very first time the VC to espy,
For they love UCT!
Right, submissions have been received, and it's time to decide what stays, what goes. Please indicate which of the following stanzas (verses, for those that prefer) you would like to see in the New Improved "We Love UCT"
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Author"The personal is political." Archives
June 2016
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