But Carnivorous Cow wasn't telling. She didn't think it was something to add to the grapevine - her love life generated far too much speculation at the best of times, she didn't need this added dimension of horror-mongering. And playing "Twenty Questions" about it was also not going to wash.
"So..." ventured Gramsci, firing up Safari and surfing to the UCT home page, "Was it a welcomed sexual advance?" Carnivorous Cow shrugged. "If you mean, did my knees turn to jelly and my hormones leap at the prospect, no. If you mean, did I run screaming to the nearest shrink for counselling, no. It was an advance, not one I was seeking nor one I'll follow up on, but I've not been scarred for life by the experience!"
Gramsci made a tick on the page next to "unwelcomed". "Tell me," he continued, "was it repeated?" The Cow shook her head. "Flagrant?" Carnivorous Cow burst out laughing. "Oh, I'll say! There was absolutely no disguising the intention! I think even P would have gotten the message, and you know how naive he is about these things!"
Gramsci ignored the diversion, and proceded with the checklist. "It would appear," he advised sagely, "that you have been subjected to sexual harassment. Would you like to hear how to proceed on the matter?" "What?" shrieked the Cow. "Sexual harassment? You're saying, pretty much, that any kind of sexual overture is inappropriate, unless it's welcomed? And how is someone supposed to know if it will be welcomed or not until they try?"
Gramsci wasn't entirely sure. "Perhaps..." he ventured, "if the advance was ambiguous, rather than flagrant...?"
"Yeah right!" snapped Carnivorous Cow. "Imagine the murky terrain that steers you into! People would be retired, or graduated, long before they'd established what the agenda actually was. What's wrong with being upfront? A clear request, with the space for the recipient to accept, reject or defer. Or ignore..."
Gramsci started up on a monologue about power relations and structural constraints, but the Cow rolled her eyes and interrupted. "Yes yes yes," she sighed, "but doesn't the Statement of Values encourage us to love, to laugh, to enjoy life? how can one love if one is prevented from testing the possibilities for this?" "Sexual harassment is not acceptable!" fumed Gramsci, "Policy needs to be clear on that!"
"Absolutely!" agreed the Cow. "But to trivialise real incidents by lumping them together with the clumsy efforts of individual staff and students to get laid... Surely that's not the intention of the policy, either?"
Gramsci wasn't entirely sure about that. If we were really only so much human capital, then energy expended on carnal pursuits was energy not invested in productivity, after all....