Perhaps predictably, most respondents were lazy, and so there were several which said "sexy". Yawn. One said "outrageous", which sent the Cow into a panic, but another said "elusive", which reassured her once more.
"Outrageous??" She asked Gramsci, horrified. It reminded her of the professor, who - while hitting on her - had called her a "non-conformist". Gramsci shrugged. What was the fuss about? The Cow was hardly a beancounter, after all, and didn't exactly aspire to fitting any particular mould. "It's the implication," she explained, exasperatedly. "That you're doing something just for effect! Rather than because it's what you want, or need, to do!" Maybe, suggested Gramsci, the person who sent the "outrageous" was implying that he felt outraged? The Cow pondered this in silence for a while. Outrage was a very healthy response to very unhealthy situations, in the main. That she couldn't dispute.
She felt a lot more comfortable with the classification of "elusive". Accessibility was not her goal in life, and she particularly did not do emotional laundry. In fact, so protective was she of her space that she was considering using the men's change room at the gym in future. "Single sex change rooms should be outlawed!" she argued vehemently. "Women just have no sense of someone else's space! Close encounters with someone else's cellulite, or an upfront display of when they last depilated, is *really* of no interest to me. At least men have this thing of keeping their eyes to themselves, just in case someone thinks they might be looking, and keeping their stuff neatly in one small space, not spread as far as possible over as much space as exists!" The woman's change room terrified the Cow. As if going to gym wasn't bad enough without that.
The visuals were, on the whole, pretty scary. She recalled a recent conversation with P, about whether men or women were worse about "letting themselves go". Of course, working - as they both did - in academic environments, many of their colleagues were in denial about having bodies. it seemed that the ultimate aspiration for many was to transcend their corporality and become pure intellect. And then, of course, there were the others. The shaven-legged metrosexual types who saw themselves as latter-day Adonis figures in body, with minds which transcended the limitations of an Einstein or a Klee and hordes of adoring glances greeting them from every mirror. It was all very sad, really.
Carnivorous Cow sat and wondered what single word she would use to describe herself, if she had to. In a rare moment of inspiration, she decided, "paradoxical".