"Just look how neatly our students were dressed back in 1959!" he cried.
A professorial colleague concurred. "Indeed," he agreed, "I look around the residence frequently and think, it's time to institute a dress code!"
Carnivorous Cow blanched - which is rather difficult for a cow that is already white in patches. To whom, exactly, would this dress code apply? She could certainly see an argument for asking students to _dress_ - based on aesthetic rather than moral grounds; too much exposed, untoned flab was such a sexual disincentive and if students didn't have that pastime to look forward to, how else would they amuse themselves? The thought of yet more bodies trying to cram themselves into limited spaces like the Library, or the coffee places, or the sunny steps outside buildings, was too unsettling to contemplate. Health and safety regulations relied on students finding dark corners or the lower reaches of the Beattie staircase to engage in carnal recreation, freeing up space in passages outside offices for people to walk through and space outside buildings for them to congregate, should fires or bomb scares require it.
But the thought of a "dress code" was a little disturbing. it smacked of conformity, regulation, uniformity, in a way that didn't resonate comfortably with the anarchic space necessitated by such noble notions as "academic freedom" or "autonomy". Would staff now be required to ensure that the length of their tail tufts was within a certain range, or that their udders were discreetly hidden from view?
She rushed back to her office to share her fears with Gramsci the spider. Gramsci was altogether more pragmatic about the idea.
"At least," he mused, "it would make it easier to identify specimens of the sought species, or even the sought gender. Currently, if one looks at them - " he gestured with a random leg - "who could tell? They might spend their entire evening buying drinks for and chatting up a prospective partner, only to discover it was in fact a new addition to the University's art collection or a floor polishing machine."
Carnivorous cow had to concede that point.